When I implant a central venous catheter, the patient’s face is covered with drapings. Many patients who are conscious during this kind of intervention are very nervous. I can only imagine that it’s not much fun to have your face underneath a blanket, it’s 40°C, dark and you are waiting for some guy to put a needle in your neck. There are definitely things more fun to do, I imagine.

So over the years I’ve tried different techniques to soothe the patient. I started with explaining -live- and very detailed step-by-step what I’m doing. Cleaning, ultrasound, cleaning draping, anesthesia, and so on. Most patients really didn’t care about the details. They just wanted to get it over with.

Next I tried was to remain silent, but that didn’t work out just as great, the patients were at least as nervous if they only listened to the noises of the instruments.

So my next strategy was smalltalk: During the phases when I didn’t have to concentrate as much I started to smalltalk, and I began to notice that the patients like that the best. And for me it’s a great chance to learn something about him or her or learn something about life in general. But what should we talk about?

Most of the time we use the freetime to complain about the bad conditions we have to work under and that life is sooo hard.

I am not sure whether that helps the patient to stay positive, if even the doc says that life sucks? So try to stay optimistic, have fun with the patients while always staying professional of course.

So here is my Top 5 list of smalltalk topics during an intervention:

-Drumroll-

Number 5:

Where are you from? That’s always the most fun, when she is not from Berlin, because you can learn something about the other city. I had a guy from Munich tell me everything about the October fest.

Number 4:

What do you do? Always a great question with many possible directions the conversation can go to.

Number 3:

What’s your favorite meal? I know, that’s kind of mean, because many times the patient didn’t eat and is very hungry. But one patient gave me a great recipe how to prepare homemade red cabbage, I tried it at home and it tasted great!

Number 2:

What’s your favorite soccer club? This question has by far the highest conflict potential, especially when I admit to being a Bayern Munich Fan. But since i’m the guy with the needle, I’m OK with that risk. If you wanna stay neutral you can talk about the chances of the German national team to win the World Championship in Brazil.

Number 1:

When do you think the Berlin Airport is gonna be ready for use???

Question: What’s your favorite smalltalk topic when talking to -anyone- ? Please leave a comment!