Last week I received this voicemail from the principal’s secretary of my son’s elementary school: “Hello, this is the elementary school. Your son Jonas … [ten second pause] … unfortunately …[ten second pause] has on his head [twenty second pause] a little bruise after colliding with a classmate playing soccer….”

Photo courtesy of JONAS

While listening to this message I almost died and wondered: “What actually happened here?” It felt like hours until she said that everything is actually fine. Up to that point anything seemed possible from minor bruise to skull fracture. I know bringing bad news on the phone is difficult but I thought this was an example I could learn a few lessons from:

1. Avoid to speak on the answering machine.

   Before you do that, try to call at least three times to speak to the relative directly. You never know how she will react. And by having an actual conversation you make sure the relative gets the main points. Also you get the chance to calm her. In many times there will be several numbers available for you to call, so before leaving a message, try all the numbers.

2. Before you call: set a goal for the conversation.

   After listening to the message I wondered: What do they want me to do now? Come by pick him up? Or did they just call so I’m informed that everything is OK?

   So Before you call someone, imagine: what’s the one main message of this call:

   Do you want permission to proceed with something?
   Do you want to inform them about the state the patient is in right now?
   Do you want them to come to the hospital?

   Of course you can only partially influence the course of the conversation, and how she will react is partially up to her, but you can set the ground for her reaction.You want to lead them and they want to be led by you!

3.  At the beginning set the ground.

   If you are calling about a minor issue start off with: Everything is fine, nothing bad happened. Whenever you call from an intensive care ward people expect the worse and are scared their relative might have died. Until you don’t say everything is more or less the way when they left they can’t really think clearly.

4. Make sure they got your point.

   Many times the relatives are really nervous and have difficulties understanding. So speak a language they understand. Repeat your main message. It’s your goal that the relative doesn’t have a million questions after your phone call.

5. Give them a chance to express their feelings.

   “It must have been a shock to you, being called by the hospital in the middle of the night. But that was something I really needed to talk to you about. Thank you for taking the time” In many cases the relatives will thank you for keeping them informed because that makes them feel respected.

6. Tell them to call again if another question comes up.

   However they shouldn’t get your number. Otherwise you won’t get much work done afterwards.

By the way, this black eye only required one thing: internal cryotherapy: Two scoops of icecream fixed the whole thing.

Ever had a phone call that didn’t go so well? Leave a comment below!